Joke's On Who?
by Rockycombo
Summary: Miranda started it, and Shepard will end it. But not nearly as soon as you'd think. Lighthearted piece for the April Fool's competition on the forum Aria's Afterlife. It still counts even if it's not April First!


"Hey, Tali," Joker greeted as the quarian stepped into the cockpit of the Normandy. "What's happening?" he asked casually. Ever since they had defeated the Collectors, Joker had somehow been ever more laid back than usual. It wasn't only Joker though; the whole crew and squad had been fairly relaxed during these couple of weeks after they destroyed the base. Shepard had somehow managed to bring the entire crew out alive, and there was a sudden drop of missions assigned to them. So the entire atmosphere on the ship had settled down dramatically.

"Um, nothing," Tali said as she wrung her hands, the telltale sign she was nervous. "I just wanted to, er, check something with you. Before I show Shepard."

"What is it? New fetish suit?" Joker asked cheekily, spinning his chair around to show her his grin.

"No!" Tali squealed instantly, blushing deeply under her mask. "No, no, it's…well, it's…"

Suddenly, the light from a nearby star came through the window at just the right angle, and Joker could catch a glimpse of the face behind the visor.

It was pure white, like a clown, with bright red lips and the thickest dosage of black eyeliner Joker had ever seen. "What the SHIT? GET US OUTTA HERE EDI!" he shouted as a reaction to the horrific makeup.

Tali's mood suddenly shifted from nervous to annoyed. "Very funny, Joker."

"Seriously, it looks like you're trying to steal my name or something," he remarked sarcastically, spinning his chair back around to the display. "I would _not_ show that to Shepard if you're looking to get laid."

"Bosh'tet," she growled, whipping around and storming out of the small space and headed towards the elevator. Joker was so rude; she was trying to ask him something legitimate, and he just blew her off with jokes and teasing. This was a sensitive enough topic already for her, and he should know that. They only spent the last few months together, besides knowing each other for almost three years. How could he-

"Tali?" rang Shepard's voice, breaking her from her fuming. She had been so focused she hadn't even realized the elevator had arrived at the top floor, and her love was standing in the doorway to the enclosed space. "You alright?"

"Yes," she answered, putting on her best smile that she knew he could read even through the helmet. There was no way she could stay frustrated all that long around him. "I have something to show you," she added, tentatively stepping forward and taking his hand. When she looked up, he was smiling back at her, so she led him back into the cabin.

She took him all the way to the bed, sitting at the foot with him. Taking a deep breath, she reached for the latches of her faceplate.

He snatched up her hand before she got too far though. "Are you feeling better?" he asked with obvious concern, referring to her reaction to the last time she was out of her suit around him.

"Mhmm," Tali responded, humming at his gentle touch. She couldn't wait to get out of her suit to feel his skin on hers again, and Miranda had assured her that the makeup she put on would make him want her even more. He released her hand as a smirk adorned his face, and she slowly unlatched and removed her visor.

Tail was not expecting his reaction, though. His eyelids went as wide as they possibly could, and two seconds later he had turned away and covered his mouth with his hands. "What?" Tali asked, her voice filled with dread.

Shepard had to cover up a few strangled bouts of laughter with coughs before he responded. "I know it's April Fool's day, Tali, but that's just ridiculous. I guess I should have seen it coming."

"April what day?"

Shepard blinked hard, freezing in place momentarily. When he saw for certain she really didn't know what he was talking about, he sighed and put his face in his hands. "Did someone tell you to do this?"

"Miranda told me to put this makeup on, yes, but-"

"Don't worry," Shepard said as he stood and walked towards the door with determination. "I'll get her back for you."

"Get…wait, Shepard, what?" she called after him, confused and unsatisfied. But he was already gone.

* * *

Miranda sat back at her desk and let out a sigh. She had decided earlier that day that it was time to officially resign from Cerberus. She had been leading the Illusive Man on for long enough to get her sister to safety, so it was time to drop the charade. A little stress relief from pranking Tali had helped, and she felt she was ready.

But when she turned on her terminal, she instantly started choking on her tongue. There was a priority one call; she was sure the only possible caller was the Illusive Man. That or EDI, but she had never used the line before. This was her chance. She took a deep breath, and then accepted it.

"Lawson," the all too familiar voice said. It wasn't a video call, but that wasn't too unexpected.

"Sir," she greeted back in as level a tone as she could manage. "I have something to tell you."

"Have you infiltrated Shepard's pants yet?"

Miranda was pretty sure her jaw hit the floor. She was too stunned by what he said to notice the slight clipping of TIM's voice. "Excuse me, sir?"

"Or are you more interested in the krogan?"

"Sir!" she exclaimed, feeling a rush of blood up to her cheeks.

"I am aware of your secret wishes, Misss Lawson."

"What are you talking about?!" she responded, practically yelling at the screen before her.

Miranda suddenly had the feeling that she was being watched, and looked up to see Jacob standing in the doorway with a mixed look of confusion and curiosity on his face and holding two cups of coffee. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"Well, I _was_ going to prank you, but it looks like somebody already covered that."

"Prank?" she asked in disbelief, looking back to the screen. The connection was gone; probably the sender hung up when they heard Jacob enter the room.

"Yea, I'm surprised you didn't hear the clipping. I guess it hit pretty close to home, huh?" he teased. Miranda only groaned, putting her forehead in her hands. "Any idea who it was?" Jacob asked, crossing the distance to her desk and putting a cup of coffee down in front of her with a barely hidden smirk.

"No! I haven't done anything…wait," she said, her head shooting up. "Tali wouldn't dare…it must have been Shepard…"

"The Commander, huh?" Jacob asked, spacing off and moving his own cup up to his lip. "I'll get him back for you," he said, deep in thought as he took a sip from the mug. Miranda reached for her own with a sigh, but practically jumped out of her chair when Jacob choked and spewed a mouthful of coffee out of his mouth and onto her desk. "Wrong one," he gasped out through his coughing as he turned and ran out of the room.

* * *

Shepard sighed contentedly as he rolled off of Tali, readjusting the sheets over their naked bodies before settling on his back. She removed her teeth from her lower lip as she made a similar sound, turning onto her side and snuggling up to Shepard when he was in a comfortable position. "This was even better the second time," she cooed, tracing circles on his chest. She still wanted to feel him as much possible while she was out of her suit.

"I'll second that," he agreed with a grin, kissing the top of her head lovingly. "I pranked Miranda, by the way. She shouldn't be bothering you anymore."

"So it's a human tradition to do practical jokes today?"

"Pretty much, we – oh, hang on," he started, interrupting himself when his omni tool pinged. "Just a second, it's Garrus," he told her, waiting for her nod before answering the call. "Garrus, what's up?"

"Is this Commander Shepard speaking?" someone who was definitely not Garrus answered.

It sounded almost like a really deep voiced "Jacob? Is that you?"

"Is the Normandy running?" the voice returned.

"Jacob, you know full well it's running."

"Then you better go catch it!" the voice exclaimed, suddenly disconnecting the line in the middle of a fit of snickering.

Tali looked up to Shepard in confusion. "What the hell was that?"

* * *

Jacob was giggling like a little child as he handed Garrus back his omni tool. "Thanks, man. I got him good."

Garrus raised a brow plate as he took the small device back and hooked it up to his wrist. "Why were you doing that again?"

"He played a joke on Miranda, so I had to make sure to show him how a pro pulls a prank," he responded proudly. "Well, I'll see you later champ," the man continued, slapping Garrus on the back before leaving the forward battery.

EDI's blue orb popped up as the door swished closed behind Jacob. "Would you like to reciprocate against Operative Taylor, Mister Vakarian?"

"What do you mean?" he asked casually, turning back to his calibrations. EDI popping up was a fairly normal occurrence on the ship; he had grown accustomed to it a long time ago.

"Operative Lawson pranked Tali'Zorah, which caused Commander Shepard to prank Operative Lawson. This, in turn, caused Operative Taylor to prank Commander Shepard. Logically, you would be next in line to prank Operative Taylor on the Commander's behalf."

"You really think Shepard minded all that much? It was a fifteen second call."

"His heart rate is at significantly higher level than normal, and his skin temperature is raised as well."

"Really? Well, I guess I should then. Wouldn't want Shepard to think I'm a bad friend," he committed, turning around to face the EDI orb. "Where's Jacob now?"

"Operative Taylor is up in the armory, starting his daily exercise session."

"Perfect," he replied with a smirk as he exited the room. He made his way quickly through the mess and over to the port observation room, knocking twice before entering.

"Gare!" the thief in the room greeted enthusiastically from her couch when she saw the turian enter. "Isn't it a little early to be drinking?"

"No day and night in space," Garrus returned cheekily, casting a grin over at her as he leaned against the doorframe. "That's not why I'm here though."

"Oh?" she questioned, her interest clear from her lean towards him.

"I was wondering if you had any more of that rose hip powder, actually."

"Ugh, work?" Kasumi groaned, flopping back in disappointment. "How lame!"

"Don't start. Do you have any or not?"

"Yea yea, it's over on that desk," she answered, rearing her head at a nearby table.

"I still don't even know why you have this," Garrus said as he crossed the room to grab the container, putting on his best poker face as he went. "Doesn't it make humans itch?"

"It's got other uses," she returned defensively.

"Such as?"

"Soothing turian hands," she answered with an eye roll. "Duh."

"Of course," he deadpanned as he snatched the container up and headed back towards the door. "What about other uses for _you_?"

"Hell if I know," she replied, grinning at him as he left. "Don't use so much this time!"

* * *

"Oh, Jacob!" Kasumi sang quietly as she tiptoed into the armory. She didn't stay hidden for long though, what she saw threw her off too much to continue her plan. She decloaked in front of Jacob, who was seated against the wall and scratching just about everywhere he could reach.

"Hey, Kasumi. Good to see you. How are you doing? I'm alright, except I'm really itchy. Like _really_ itchy. Can you help me scratch? I can't get everywhere at once. And I'm itchy all over."

Kasumi only watched, her face skewed into an expression of curiosity. "What happened to you?"

"I dunno. I did my workout, and then took a shower, and when I changed clothes, I was really itchy. I've been scratching since then, but it won't go away. I can't get everywhere at once. Can you help me?"

"Go take another shower," she ordered, her suspicions of a certain turian growing rapidly.

"You're just saying that so you can watch. No, I'll stay here. And scratch. I can't get everywhere at once, though. Help?"

"Oh, I'll help," she remarked with a smirk, cloaking again and turning to leave the armory. No way was she letting Garrus get away with that so easily. And Jacob was in no state to get back at him, so naturally she should be the one to take care of that. It was her powder that was causing him so much discomfort, anyway.

* * *

"Spirits, I hate this game!"

Tali giggled when she heard Garrus' cry of frustration as she walked through the door to the battery. "Shouldn't you be working?" she poked, crossing her arms over her chest dramatically.

"I am working!" he insisted without even turning around. The turian was bent over his console, talons tapping away on only three keys.

"Doesn't look like work to me," Tali persisted, looking over his shoulder. His screen was filled with what looked like various pixelated bugs, with a small spaceship down at the bottom that was shooting at them. Suddenly, one of the bugs flew down towards the ship, which strafed side to side wildly before being hit by a stray laser.

"Argh!" Garrus yelled in frustration, slamming his fists down on the keyboard before starting another game. "I hate when they do that!"

"What is that?"

"I don't know, but it was what came up on my terminal when I tried to do some calibrations. I think the name was Galaga. I'm assuming I have to beat the game to do the calibrations, or at least to get them. But I lose my life so fast when-" Garrus was interrupted when another bug charged him, causing his spaceship to explode. "Not again! When _that_ happens!"

"Why don't you just shoot them like the rest?" Tali asked, doing her best to hold back her laughter.

"You want to try?" he countered bitterly. "They move so fast, and you know I use a sniper. I like things far away, so when they get close like-" he explained, cutting himself off when the same thing happened yet again. "Like that! Spirits, I'm going to be here all day!"

"How did this even happen?"

"I don't care anymore," he answered dismissively, hunching over the terminal even further.

Tali rolled her eyes. "Well, I was coming down to ask why Jacob called Shepard from your omni tool."

"He said it was a prank. But don't worry, I got him back. I borrowed some powder that makes humans itch from Kasumi, then put it in his clothes. I couldn't let him get to Shepard like that!" Garrus explained, clearly proud of himself.

"Riiight. Guess that makes it my turn."

* * *

Hawthorne squeezed his lips shut and pointed, directing the other occupants of the mess to shift their gaze over to the cabinet above the oven that was sliding open seemingly of its own accord. Boxes and other containers were shifted around, and Hadley took the opportunity to quietly stand and glide across the small space with as little noise as possible. The other crewmen were choking back laughter as he stood right behind where the person would be if they were visible. He whipped his head around to wink at them before swinging his hand down at about waist level in front of him, a resounding slap ringing through the mess afterwards.

Everyone heard Kasumi's squeal, but she still didn't break her cloak. "Pig," they all heard the thief say from a different spot, disdain thick in her voice.

"Er, care to say that to my face?" Hadley asked in confusion, looking around the room. The petite woman was still invisible, even though she had clearly moved.

"I just did," Kasumi sneered, the voice sourcing from yet another place.

"I'm not seeing you," Hadley persisted, backing into a corner to protect himself. "Or your fine ass."

"Yea, Kasumi, you can come out now," Matthews called over. "We want to see if we can see the blush beneath your hood."

"What do you mean?" her voice came yet again, this time right in front of Matthews. He flinched back majorly, and would have fallen out of his seat if Hawthorne hadn't caught him. "I'm standing right in front of you."

"Seriously, Kasumi, it's weird talking to you when you're invisible," Hadley called over, still not leaving his safety corner.

"But I'm not cloaked!" her voice persisted, now in the middle of the room. There was a brief silence before she spoke again. "You guys really can't see me flipping off Hadley right now?"

"Hey!"

"Nope, sorry Kasumi," Hawthorne said. "Is your cloak glitching out or something?"

"Maybe," she answered, punctuating with grunts of effort. "Huh. It's not coming off. I think it's stuck."

"And stuck powered too?" Matthews asked. "Man, now I feel even less safe around here."

"What is going on?!" Kasumi exclaimed in desperation. "I can't get it to turn off!" It was just then that Thane walked into the mess, and everyone watched as he suddenly stopped in his tracks and his jacket bunched up in two spots on his chest. "Thane! You've got to help me!"

If the drell was phased, he didn't show any indication of it. Not even a blink. "What seems to be the issue?" he asked coolly.

"I can't get my cloak to turn off. You, um...you know where it is, right? You saw it last night when...the, er, the wrestling..." she told him, her voice tapering off and devolving into a mumble at the end. It was enough for the crew to get the message, though. A chorus of oooing went through the mess, and it was basically a given that Kasumi's face was a deep red.

Again, the assassin seemed to not even notice. "Of course. Please remain still," he ordered, removing Kasumi's invisible hands from his clothing and kneeling down. He ran his hands over her invisible form, feeling for the spot he knew her cloak would be. The display earned a barrage of snickers and giggling from the others in the mess, and Kasumi only prayed Thane wouldn't lapse into a memory when he had explored her like this before.

"Your cloak appears to have been hacked," Thane stated after a while, standing back up to his full height and somehow looking right into Kasumi's eyes.

"_Che_, can we get rid of it?"

"I don't see any way to. I have only seen a hack of this quality once before. Fortunately, there appears to be a timer on it. The effects will expire at the start of April second."

"It must've been a prank," Kasumi grumbled. "Maybe I can talk to Tali to get rid of it for me."

"I will discuss the matter with Tali for you, siha," Thane responded, a knowing glint in his black eyes.

"Why?" she asked skeptically.

"I believe she has more to do with this situation than you seem to think. The hack quality I mentioned having seen earlier: it is hers."

"Oh, so you're..." Kasumi trailed off, an unseeable devilish smirk playing on her lips. But when she looked back up, Thane was already gone.

"Hey Kasumi, where's all of our whipped cream? I heard you like it on you, and then we could actually see you too!"

"Shut up, Hadley!"

* * *

Shepard strode into the mess about an hour later. The usual suspects were all still there, also joined by Thane and Zaeed, who were exchanging stories. "What's going on, guys?" the Commander asked with a grin as he made for the fridge.

"Nuthin', Shepard," Zaeed called back. Nobody noticed as Thane took the distraction to type something rapidly on his omni tool, and he was looking back up at Zaeed by the time the merc turned his attention back to the drell after a brief exchange with the Commander. "What was I sayin'?"

"The krogan tried to pick you up," Thane answered as Shepard grabbed something to eat and headed off towards the forward battery.

"Ah right," he responded, putting a boot up on a spare chair and bringing his hands up for gestures. "Yea, charged right up to me and grabbed a leg anen arm. Forced my gun away. Luckily, 'e grabbed my left side, so when I was lifted over 'is head, I could still reach the knife on my right leg. Stuck it in his eye before 'e could slam me back down. While he was dealin' with that, I grabbed 'is own shotgun from 'is back. Shot an arm clean off him. And you know what? The bastard's _still_ taunting me, saying he can regenerate it and that's only a flesh wound. So I blow 'is other arm off. That's when-"

"That is so _hot_," a new, accented voice interrupted. Zaeed looked up to find a purple clad quarian leaning against the table a ways down, her chin in her hands and hanging off of his every word.

Thane smirked knowingly as Zaeed's lips cracked in a wicked grin. "Yea, Tali? I'm not even to the good part yet."

"Oh? Please continue," she returned, practically purring the words as she started slinking towards the merc.

"What's with you, darlin'?" Zaeed asked coyly, straightening in his seat. 'You look like you're ready to pounce."

"Maybe I am," she growled back predatorily, brushing her leg against his as she took a seat directly next to him.

"Well then, maybe we should head down to my-"

"Tali?" came Shepard's curious voice. The Commander had wandered back to the kitchen, and was cleaning off his plate when he noticed the isolated trio. "What are you doing?"

Tali gasped deeply as she heard his voice, rotating slowly in her chair to face him. "There you are," she greeted huskily, bolting up and walking across the mess towards him, making sure to put an extra swing in her hips. "I've been looking for you."

"What do you-" Shepard started as she reached him, but he stopped talking and left his mouth hanging open when she started whispering in his ear and stroking his arm. Only quiet reactions from him could be heard. "You're feeling…but we just…Tali, we just…oh…oh my god…you wouldn't…you would?...you can bend that way?...how many times?...really?...well, I'll have to see this for myself," he ended in a seductive growl, snatching Tali's hand up and heading in a straight line for the elevator. Tali was giggling proudly to herself as she sauntered away with him, her elevator eyes on his backside clear even through the mask.

Zaeed just sat dumbfounded for a moment as Thane's lips curled into a disappointed frown. "What the bloody hell was that?"

"That prank did not turn out how I anticipated," Thane observed gloomily, releasing a sigh.

"Prank?"

He nodded. "I administered a large dose of a powerful aphrodisiac to Tali. I was hoping for the Commander to see her, but not to draw her attention."

"Why didn't you tell me!" Zaeed exclaimed. "Now I missed my chance."

Thane raised an eyebrow at the merc. "You do realize Tali and the Commander are together, correct? I expected to make him jealous through flirting, not to cause infidelity. That was why I made sure he was present."

Basically all of the drell's words were lost on Zaeed. He was still ranting. "Do you know how bloody fantastic a story it would be if I banged a quarian? That would be the one to tell everyone!"

Thane turned his head and looked at Zaeed from the corner of squinted eyes. "Why?"

"I wouldn't expect you to understand," the merc scoffed, standing and stomping away from the table. "I'll get you back though," he muttered under his breath.

* * *

Thane returned to life support a while later, after taking some time to eat a full meal and mediate on the day's events in the relative peace of the mess. Samara had joined him for a while as well, and they had held a very pleasant and enlightening discussion about their children.

He almost flinched when Zaeed jumped out from around the corner where his table was, but his reflexes were trained beyond that. Even the relaxed mood of the Normandy since the success of their mission couldn't throw him off that much. "Greetings, Zaeed," he said calmly.

Zaeed scowled in disappointment; he had been hoping to catch Thane off guard. It didn't ruin his plan though. "Hey, froggy," he returned with a malicious smirk. "What do you think of this?" he asked, holding up his omni tool to show Thane a holo of a simple brown chicken.

"Pardon?"

"No? How about this one!" Zaeed continued, switching images to a group of mixed colored chickens on a farm.

"Zaeed, I do not understand-"

Thane was cut off when the picture changed to that of a single white chicken sitting in a nest. His eyes glazed over, and the sentence he had been saying instantly changed. "She approaches, handfuls of white and brown feathers covering her breasts and arms…"

"There we are," Zaeed rumbled happily. He walked Thane over to a chair and sat him down in it as the memory progressed, getting more and more graphic each passing second. The merc then set a projection of the same chicken picture, making it cover the entire wall before Thane. "That should keep you busy for a while," he sneered, chuckling to himself as he exited the room.

Thane was stuck in a perpetual loop for quite some time. Every time his memory of his experience with the role player ended, the image before him caused him to go immediately back into it.

"Hey Thane," Jack greeted as she stepped into life support. She was stopped from going further though when she saw him stuck in a memory on the far side of the room.

Instead, she took a second to listen. "They are all she wears, her hands between her legs. 'Thane,' she whispers, her voice heavy. My attention is hers alone. 'Let me squawk for you.'"

Jack's next word caught in her throat, and she devolved into a fit of maniacal laughter. "Never mind," she managed to get out, her hands on her stomach as she turned and left life support. "Man, I thought _I _was into some weird shit," she chuckled to herself with a shake of her head. She barely managed to catch sight of Samara heading into life support over her shoulder. "I wouldn't head in there if I were you, Sammy!" Jack called back as she went around the corner to the mess. "He's a little busy!"

Samara did her best to ignore Jack, who was already gone anyway, as she passed through the door to life support. True enough though; Thane was still stuck in his feedback loop. However, the justicar actually took the time to investigate past her initial shock and confusion, and discovered the image around the corner. She turned off the projection, and when Thane reached the end of the memory, he finally stopped for good. "Are you alright?" she asked with concern as he blinked repeatedly.

"Yes. I think so. How long has it been?"

"I have nothing to judge the time by."

"Did you notice when Zaeed left?"

"I believe I heard him exiting this room approximately 90 minutes ago."

Thane sighed and put a palm over his mouth. "I must find a way to reciprocate," he mused.

"I shall attend to that for you," Samara returned. "While you clean your garments."

* * *

_Zaeed,_

_There are no hard feelings for your escapade earlier. In fact, it brought up some of the more pleasant memories buried in my subconscious. I thought it only fair to repay your act, and as such, have hired a renowned asari masseuse from Illium. She is quite famous for giving 'happy endings,' as you humans refer to them. I hope you enjoy the experience._

_-Thane_

That was what the message had said. Zaeed reread it again, probably for the fourth time since the asari stormed out after he made an ass of himself. It hadn't changed. He guessed he should have expected reciprocation from Thane, but the Normandy's stop by Illium had been impromptu and unannounced. He didn't think Thane would have had time to pull a prank that quickly, so he took it as legitimate. Especially when he didn't have to go anywhere for the asari; she just showed up in his room and asked him to strip down. He wasn't going to argue with that.

In hindsight, he probably should have. Apparently, she was the one legitimate masseuses in all of Illium. But it was too late now. He had already convinced Grunt to go with him, and he was fairly ready to kill Thane. That was the second time the drell had jipped him out of sex in one day, and he wasn't going to put up with it anymore.

"Why are we doing this again?" Grunt asked as the slow elevator ride dragged on.

Zaeed sighed. "Look, I told ya already. Thane stopped me from wrestling twice today."

"Were they worthy opponents?"

"_Very_ worthy," Zaeed responded wistfully, staring off into space as he reminisced about the asari.

"So you're settling for wrestling with the assassin?"

"What? No, that's sick!" the merc returned, snapping out of his momentary breast induced trance. "I'm jus' gonna kill him, and you're my backup."

"Your krantt?"

"Sure, whatever. Just jump in if it looks like things're going downhill."

"I will not disappoint you, Massani."

Zaeed grumbled something noncommittal as the elevator door finally slid open. But Shepard was in the way, supporting Tali on his shoulder, who was still weak legged from their escapades earlier. "Where are you two off to?" he asked suspiciously, eyeing the assault rifle latched onto Zaeed's back.

"We were just-"

"Massani is going to kill the assassin!" Grunt exclaimed excitedly, pounding his fists together. "It's going to be glorious!"

Zaeed groaned and slapped his forehead. "Leave it to the kid to blow the whole thing," he grumbled quietly.

"Yea, I don't think so," Shepard countered with a raised eyebrow. "I don't particularly want either of you dead. So no killing. You can talk it out like big boys."

"Where's the fun in that?" Grunt asked, almost whining as his gaze dropped to the floor.

Tali had to suppress a giggle at that, but Shepard stayed focused on the matter at hand. "Zaeed?"

"Yea yea, I got it Shepard. No killing."

"Good. Now, you going to use that elevator or not?" he ended.

Zaeed was muttering to himself as he brushed past the couple, and Grunt kicked at the floor as he grudgingly followed after the merc.

"Doesn't Thane have a death wish?" Tali teased softly as she and Shepard stepped into the elevator.

"Yea, I'm pretty sure he could still take Zaeed though. I just didn't want to hurt the old guy's feelings. He already got shut down once today," he said, throwing in a grin at Tali at the end.

She promptly rolled her eyes. "Like that would ever really happen."

* * *

_Zing, Legi. Zing. _

_So yea, this was fun to write. The Kasumi/Thane pairing, as well as Zaeed's interest in Tali stem from some of LegionN7's work. Check his page out, if you're not faint at heart. He's also got a collab going that I'm a part of, so any love for that would be appreciated as well. _

_Yes, there is a possibility for a second chapter (maybe even more). I wanted to get Jack, Grunt, and Mordin in on the pranking, but I couldn't put together anything I was happy enough to show people. I think some EDI and Legion jokes could be entertaining as well, but that would again take more thought. I'm definitely considering continuing this, though. _


End file.
